i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
