It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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