There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize