hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
