oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
