drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
