i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
