dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
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