i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
