So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
