Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
