apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
