They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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