It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
