he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize