so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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