that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
