i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
