just come out here and I will go home with you...
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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