It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize