you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
