i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
