You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
