WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
