I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
