Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
