You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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