Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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