in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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