please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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