Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize