I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
