I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
