the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
