oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize