"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
