I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm getting married
To pizza
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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