I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
