this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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