Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
