shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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