There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Found the puke drawer
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize