My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
accomplished twins. life is a go
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
