dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
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