You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize
