Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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