An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
