My hair reeks of homosexuality.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Randomize
