are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
