What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
