i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize