I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Randomize
