i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
