Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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