we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
