is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
