If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
