the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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