just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
