i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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