So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
