you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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