i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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