I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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