Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
