there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
